The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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