Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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