Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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