He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
