Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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