Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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