there's paper in my vomit.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
