my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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