i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So squirting runs in the family.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
