Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
