Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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