We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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