i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
