she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
