Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
