friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
