Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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