On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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