im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
