some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can I color on your dick again?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Randomize
