People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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