And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
