My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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