Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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