You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
