we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
where are you?
Hypothermia
then he tried to convert me to islam
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
