im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize