So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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