y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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