He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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