The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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