Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
