He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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