Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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