I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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