i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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