Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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