i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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