Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
