at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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