im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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