she was so not down for the gang bang
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
