would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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