Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
