i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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