I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
