u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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