I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
