new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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