i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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