You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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