it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
