What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
