Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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