i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
