Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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