Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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