he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
