this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
