Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
