garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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