just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
