I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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