it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
