I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
