True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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