drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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