That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
