I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
