Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
